f o r y o u
by StupidityNowOffersWisdom
Summary: I'm useless. I can't do anything. I ought to die. Luna-centric monologue. Dark. Sekihi's follow-up fic.


**f****-****o****-****r****_****y****-****o****-****u**  
_For __you__, __I __hate __myself__.  
__For __you__, __I __tried __to __live__.  
__For __you__, __I __curse __my __very __own __existence__._

* * *

**c****-****o****-****n****-****t****-****e****-****n****-****t  
**_**f**__-__i__-__n__-__a__-__l__-__i__-__t__-__y  
__**o**__-__r__-__i__-__g__-__a__-__m__-__i  
__**r**__-__e__-__g__-__r__-__e__-__t__-__s  
__**y**__-__e__-__a__-__r__-__n__-__i__-__n__-__g  
__**o**__-__b__-__l__-__i__-__g__-__a__-__t__-__i__-__o__-__n  
__**u**__-__n__-__l__-__e__-__s__-__s  
__**f**__-__i__-__n__-__a__-__l__-__i__-__t__-__y_

* * *

It's over. It final. Yuka's dead.

He's gonna die.

I'm going to Hell.

It's all decided.

Flames lick at Yuka's daughter.

I can't do anything. Never could, never will.

I hate myself. I can't even do anything to save my dead once-best friend's daughter. I can't do anything.

Of course, _I__'__m __the __useless __one_. The one manipulated for every little thing.

I can't do anything.

I break down and cry.

* * *

_**o**__-__r__-__i__-__g__-__a__-__m__-__i_

_Cranes__. __Paper __cranes__._

_What __childish __objects__._

And yet I have resorted to this-this-this pathetic childish hope.

Maybe one day...

Maybe one day I'll not regret this... Though I already have.

The paper crumples up as my hands shake.

_What __has __become __of __me__?_

My nerves are killing me.

I take a deep breath and calm down.

I smoothen the piece of square paper out.

And I continue folding.

_Folding__, __folding__, __folding__._

_Just __like __how __I __wasted __my __life __away__._

_Wasting__, __wasting__, __wasted__._

_And __how __it __has __wasted __away __into __nothing__._

... nothing...

_I__'__m __so __useless__._

_I__'__m __a __grown __adult__, __yet __I__'__m __still __folding __goddamned __**paper **__**cranes **__for __no __good __reason__._

_Isn__'__t __that __a __kid__'__s __thing__?_

But I continue folding, folding, folding.

I still feel useless.

_Wishes __don__'__t __come __true__._

But I wish I could scream.

Yuka... Mikan... Kuonji-sama...

DAMN IT ALL!

* * *

_**r**__-__e__-__g__-__r__-__e__-__t__-__s_

I have no regrets.

No, who am I kidding...

Of course I have regrets.

…. Regrets...

I guess... I still hate myself for turning to him.

He-he... That bastard ruined my life.

Shattered, it did. Castle of glass shattered like it gave a shit about the princess inside of it.

Heh. I'm no princess. Never was, never will be. Heck, I was probably the antagonist who never got a chance to speak up - got killed right away by that arrogant asshole of a 'prince'.

Then again...

Maybe I regret it. I think I do.

_Wha__-?!_

Yuka was the one who pushed me away.

I'm not at fault.

She is.

He is.

She's dead.

I'm not.

He's not.

I-I-I can't believe myself.

I just let her dump all the crap on me and run off _happily__-__ever__-__after_? And let him just ruin my life?

What have I become?

I hate it all... All those stupid little regrets...

* * *

_**y**__-__e__-__a__-__r__-__n__-__i__-__n__-__g_

Maybe I'll become someone more... Unlikely to go to Hell.

I doubt so.

Yuka, I hate this.

I hate this goddammned feeling. I miss you. I miss the time when you were still my friend.

Maybe you don't care; but I do.

I'm the one who's still alive. Not you.

You always chose what was good for you. I didn't. And I hate myself for that.

I think I'm just selfish.

* * *

_**o**__-__b__-__l__-__i__-__g__-__a__-__t__-__i__-__o__-__n_

I wasn't obliged to mourn for you, Yuka; until you said _you_ were _sorry_.

It wasn't needed. I'm the one who'll regret for the rest of eternity - I'm the one who's supposed to be sorry.

I caused your death. I caused you to lose your only precious daughter. I participated in the planning of sensei's death. I... Doesn't that make you want to hate me? Damn me to the inner depths of Hell?

I'm sorry, Yuka, I truly am.

I know; I can't be saved. I can't help.

But I'll damn well keep your legacy going.

The Alice Thief. Shinigami. Bakemono-hime.

_I __sure __as __Hell __will__._

* * *

_**u**__-__n__-__l__-__e__-__s__-__s_

Don't tell me otherwise. I know. I just do.

You're happy to be reunited with sensei again. You're glad to be able to laugh with Kaoru again.

But I know better.

I think... I saw through your facade during our final months in the Academy.

You stole furtive glances at me. Your soft sobs could be heard from within the classrooms. I saw, I heard, Yuka.

Forgive me. I fucked your life up, just to have mine screwed over as well.

To see you really smile at me once more; I'll give my life up in a heartbeat to do so.

Your funeral wasn't really much. It didn't honour you, to have Kuonji there, smirk etched on his disgusting face. And little help it did to have your daughter, who should have been allowed to mourn as much as she wished for you, to be brutally manhandled and dragged away from your coffin.

Warm tears slide down my face. I haven't quite felt this way for quite a while, Yuka. To feel as if something important was ripped away from me, and to have my sanity ripped to shreds.

The last time I felt it was when I lost you.

I feel it, too, now; even though a pain-filled year has brushed itself past me after your passing.

Forgive me, Yuka...

* * *

**A****/****N****:** That's that. Sekihi's monologue-ish sequel. It's one of my 'author-ly' ways to vent my views on how exactly Tachibana Higuchi is going along with the series. Right now I hate the fact that Mikan just lost her 'Godly' Alice(s). On a side note, damn you FFN for screwing up formatting even though I use your 'recommended' file format.


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